When All Around My Soul Gives Way

      In a few weeks, I will have been sick for six months. Six months of constant pain. Six months of not being able to work. Six months of no diagnosis. And it’s that-six months of no diagnosis-that is perhaps the most daunting aspect of these past months and every new day I wake up in pain. Not being able to know what’s happening to me leaves me with many questions, no answers, and all the time in the world to think about my uncertain future. No diagnosis leaves me wondering whether or not I will get better, or if this is degenerative and how much worse I will get.

       I wonder if there will ever be a day when I don’t feel pain-not just a day of decreased pain, but one where I can joyfully say I am pain free. I wonder: will I ever be able to walk unassisted again? Will I be able to run again? Have some semblance of independence again?

       I wonder if my relationship will stand up to the strain of this, whatever it is. I wonder if the uncertainty, the caretaking, the complete abandon of normalcy will become too much. And while my relationship has yet to show signs of overwhelming strain, I wonder if it’s fair to ask someone to bear this with me. I wonder if I am cruelly selfish to rob someone’s youth in this way.

       And then I wonder, should my relationship beat the odds and survive this, will I be able to walk down the aisle on my wedding day? Will I have the stamina to make it through the reception? Will I have enough relief of pain to make my wedding night the God given gift it is, instead of the excruciatingly painful prospect it is certain to be in my present state?

       I wonder if the one thing I have ever really wanted will be possible. I wonder: will I ever be a mother? Even if I can physically conceive and carry a child, I wonder if I will be capable of parenting should this-whatever it is-continue or increase.

       There is a commercial for an osteoarthritis medication that I cannot bear to watch. I have to change the channel because it weighs my heart down too much. In this commercial the osteoarthritis sufferer proudly proclaims that she is active-always has been, always will be. It leaves me wondering, will I ever be active again? Did I take for granted all those years when I was active, living my life blind to the fact of how easily it can all be stripped away? Will all my days be frustratingly bound by the limitations of my own body?

       I wonder how I will maintain my dignity if the days should continue or increase when I cannot use the bathroom unassisted, when bathing seems an impossible task, and when I cannot get dressed by myself.

       Most of all, I wonder, grief-stricken, how I will further the Kingdom of God restricted to my bed and sporadic good days when I can leave the house. It wakes me up in the early morning, helplessly silent in prayer- unwelcoming of any future in which I cannot spread the Glory of God because of a life that is literally stationary.

       While not knowing what is happening to me or what tomorrow will bring leaves me with so many questions, my wondering is stopped short by the wonder of my Savior. In the midst of such uncertainty, I have an abounding certainty of the goodness of a God who is faithful. In my weakness I am reminded of His strength. In my sorrow I am reminded of His all-encompassing Joy. While physical healing has yet to come, He has held me close and mended my soul all the while. I have a God who has not forsaken me to illness, but a God who has been ever present in my time of need.

      And so, if I should wake up every day in pain, I will take it as a sweet reminder of the restoration that is to come when I am reunited with Christ. And if I should never walk again, I will cherish the bountiful moments when my soul leaps and dances when I am with Him. And if I should be left alone, I will rest in the truth that I have a true and eternal love who not only will never leave me, but constantly pursues me. And if I cannot walk down the aisle on my wedding day, I will remember that it is Him who carries not only me, but the both of us as we enter the Holy covenant of marriage. And if I should never have any children to call my own, I will birth a maternal blessing over the people in my life through prayer coverings, good counsel, and example. And if I took for granted all the years of physical promise, I will not take for granted the relentless love of my Creator who gives and takes away, but forever offers Himself-an eternal promise that surpasses all tribulation. And if I should lose all my earthly dignity, I will be strengthened by the knowledge that my dignity-through all things-is intertwined with His own. And even when I don’t understand, I will find peace in His perfect and redeeming will.

 When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

Absolute Obedience

           At the height of the climax of Star Wars Episode III, Obi-Wan makes a compelling statement before he engages in a veritable battle of good vs. evil with Anakin Skywalker. Anakin tells Obi-Wan that he is either with him or against him and after concluding that there will be no reasoning with the fallen Jedi, Obi-Wan says this: "Only a Sith deals in absolutes". This is to say, only evil deals in absolutes. While the philosophical arguments made in the Star Wars saga are interesting and plentiful, if we were to meditate on this one statement alone, could it be backed up by scripture?

Now, the purpose of this post isn’t to argue the biblical soundness of Star Wars. Instead, I just want to reflect on the sentiment that only evil deals in absolutes that exists not only in this movie franchise but also in our culture, even our Church culture. It's an attitude that says there are gray areas. That God can hate the sin, but love the sinner. That as long as you're being a reasonably good person, by some ambiguous and highly relational standard, then you’ve run the race well. Why specifically I bring this up now is to enable us to operate in a mindset that disengages this worldly rhetoric in our spiritual lives so that we may conform to His will and His heart by the power of the Holy Spirit, through obedience.

            Our God-the Most Holy-the only truly good-absolutely deals in absolutes. Here are just a few examples (emphasis mine):

 You shall have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3)

 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." (John 14:6)

 He who is not with Me is against Me (Matthew 12:30)

           As seasoned believers we understand this area of absoluteness: we can only be made acceptable to God through the sinless sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and that if we are not acceptable to God, we are an enemy of God. This we seem to understand well enough. It's pretty ingrained into our spiritual conscience, even if we occasionally lose sight of the magnitude of this knowledge (which is something to mourn over, to be certain). Where this limited understanding of His supremacy becomes an issue in the area of spiritual growth is when it comes to obedience. We hear the absoluteness in 1 Corinthians 2:16 that says we have the mind of Christ, but when we measure that against our own minds we come up with this idea that the things that do not measure up to a Christ-like mind are the result of our imperfection. Somehow, though, this isn’t reconciled with this portion of  scripture: "and you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight-- if indeed you continue in the faith…" (Colossians 1:21-23).

Scripture is very clear that God not only is absolute in power to save but that the Holy Spirit also has absolute power. If we receive the Holy Spirit through faith in Jesus Christ then it should be no wonder that when giving instructions on how to conduct ourselves there is still very much a theme of absoluteness. This is why it is an issue when we continue to sin and excuse it because we as feeble humans are imperfect. Yes, we are imperfect and our flesh and the enemy is strong. But Christ’s redemptive power is stronger and we are given this power upon receiving the Holy Spirit. When we excuse, or even just lament about, our imperfection and our affinity to sin, we are sending a message to ourselves, to the world, and to our Heavenly Father, that His holy power and absoluteness is limited to salvation and does not extend far enough to actually change us. This is not the God I know and conducting ourselves in this manner is diluting His glory, which could be the greatest sin we might ever commit.

As we enter into the discipline of obedience, we must make much about God and less about ourselves. We will never be Christ-exultingly obedient on our own accord. Only through grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit will we see transformation-will there be something different about us. Our obedience for the sake of obedience does nothing for the glory of God. It does not take a Godly person to be a good and obedient person. I dare say there are plenty of unbelievers who conduct themselves in a way that is more obedient to God’s commands than we as believers do. Being a good person will do nothing for the glory of Christ. Being a transformed person will. Transformation is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit and will be the mark of a truly mature Christian. So as we begin to conform our minds, our hearts, and our actions to the will of God by the power of the Holy Spirit, we must do so in a manner that allows us to see His absolute power and allows others to see His glory. Any other path to obedience is futile.

A Mind Like Christ

"Take Thou our minds, dear Lord, we humbly pray,
Give us the mind of Christ each passing day;
Teach us to know the truth that sets us free;
Grant us in all our thoughts to honor Thee."

Hymn by Calvin Weiss Laufer, 1918

     It is both incredibly strange and also quite tragic that we can read the Word of God and become conditioned to it. I, like so many others I'm sure, read His Word daily, sometimes with vigor and sometimes out of habit. More often than not, I read The Bible as an eager student and I look to it to learn, grow, and complete a cohesive picture of God's glory. And, perhaps, that is where my fault lies-too often I read it as a textbook instead of the uncompromising, sometimes unsettling, wonder that it is.
     Every once in a while, though, I am reminded that His Word still holds the power to take my breath away and bring me to my knees. One such occasion was the other day as I was reading through 1 Corinthians and I came to the second chapter and sixteenth verse:

For "who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?"

 But we have the mind of Christ. (NKJV)

     The implications of this are staggering. The text does not say: we strive to have the mind of Christ. Nor does it say: more often than not we have the mind of Christ. No, Scripture says "we have the mind of Christ"-unequivocally, indisputably, absolutely. I don't know about you, but when I meditate on the way my mind operates, I'd say more often than not it probably isn't very Christ-like. But, The Bible is clear, isn't it? If we are new creatures in Christ, if we have died to ourselves and to the world, if we become one with Christ, then we share in the mind of Christ.

     If we are to begin this journey of purging out ourselves and ushering in Jesus in order to become obedient then the mind seems both a logical and also biblical place to start. It's logical for a few reasons. First, our mind is a very primal thing we have command of. It may not be the easiest means to bring under our reign, or more importantly Christ's reign, but it is the most accessible. Which leads to the second point, the mind is the well-spring of everything else you have control over. The choices you make, the way you treat people, what you pursue-these will all be determined by how you think and what you think about. Finally, it is logical because it is biblical. In Romans 7:25 Paul teaches us something about the mind: "I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin." Transformation begins with the mind-it is the vessel that we learn and accept God and once we receive the Holy Spirit it is what He indwells-so that we have the minds of Christ. It is our mode of obedience, set apart for the depth and service of the Lord, while the flesh remains privy to worldly decay and self-pursuit.

     Imagine, if you will, that you were given a present as a teenager-an heirloom. As an adolescent you warmly accepted the gift with gratitude, perhaps humoring your parents, or grandparents, who gave it to you. You place it on your dresser for a while and then eventually it finds its way into a drawer. As time passes on, it makes its way into a box and you transfer it along as you go to college and then when you move into your first home. You forget about it for the most part, occasionally remembering it and that it's in storage somewhere. Then one day as the giver of the gift lies on their death bed, they ask you if you still have the heirloom and you tell them that you do. Though you don't tell them you haven't got a clue where it might be, just that you know you have it somewhere. They then proceed to tell you the story of how your ancestors fought long and hard to get that gift and that they kept it safe for many years, and they reveal that the gift which once seemed useless and trivial to you was actual the key to a great wealth that will change your life forever. You go home and frantically start searching for it, through boxes and boxes of stuff amassed over the years, through closets and the garage and finally the attic. And, then, after days of searching you find it, exhausted but elated and you cash in on the treasure that should have been yours years ago.

     So, my friend, as we begin to contemplate what a transformed, Christ-like mind looks like, let us not forget that this will not be a new discovery. We were given this gift years ago when we received the Holy Spirit. Our job now is only to uncover that gift from the years of clutter and neglect. A Christ-like mind is instantly given and is ours to uncover as soon as we are willing. 

     





The Holy Experiment of Obedience

     We are waiting. Maybe not as expectantly as we should be. And maybe not as earnestly as we should be. But we are waiting-waiting for God to send down the holy fire of His Spirit to shake the nations. We are waiting for God to move this world. We are waiting for revival.
    
     God is also waiting. He has already enacted His plan and, contrary to what we have fed ourselves to believe, it didn't end with Jesus. Jesus was the prologue-the vital background that provides the foundation for the rest of the play. The script has been written. The stage has been set. The audience filled. Now, God-the Great Director-waits on his players, waits for those He's casted to fulfill their roles. And yet, the curtains remain undrawn.
    
     Revival is imminent. Revival is always near. God will change the world and His plan to do so begins with Jesus and ends with you and I. Through our faith in Christ, we become part of a much bigger movement than acting the Christian part. No, through the power of the Holy Spirit we are called to live out our roles in a way that makes our audience gasp, makes them think, and ultimately leaves them wanting more.
    
     But first we must leave our own play-the one we've written ourselves, the stage we've built to spotlight our own greatness. We must close the curtain on our own agenda and find ourselves reciting the lines of the greatest writer in the history of the world. To finish this production we've invested so much in we must proclaim two words that are utterly synonymous with that grand finale of theatrics: "The End". These two words signal the end of ourselves and the beginning of God's plan. In this drama they are:

''Yes, Lord"

     "Yes, Lord" exudes an attitude of radically immediate obedience. And obedience by the power of the Holy Spirit is God's only plan for revival.

     "Yes, Lord" says I may not know why You're asking me to do this or how I will be able able to, but I will do it and I will do it now, because I find hope in You and I believe with all that I have that You are good and You are mighty and where I am weak, You are strong. It says, I trust You, Lord. I do not believe that you are some manipulative tyrant in the sky and that even when I don't see it and even when the world vehemently disagrees, that all you ask of us is for our good and, more importantly, for Your glory.

     The radical obedience ushered in with those two little words: "Yes, Lord", says This is where I end and You begin. You are God. I am servant. Your will be done.

      Radical obedience trusts, glorifies, and testifies. Obedience is the only hope of revival. No one will be saved from the wrath of Hell if we are not obedient by the power of the Holy Spirit. No one will become disciples if we are not obedient by the power of the Holy Spirit. No sick will be healed if we are not obedient by the power of the Holy Spirit. No dead will be raised if we are not obedient by the power of the Holy Spirit. No change will be seen in our world, let alone our lives, if we are not obedient by the power of the Holy Spirit.

      So I invite you to join me in this holy experiment of radical obedience. I want my heart to be, and yours to be, that every time we explore what God asks of us, even if we don't understand, that our immediate reaction would be "Yes, Lord". That the very moment we become aware of a command that we would instantly confess our failings in that area, and that we would beg for the mercy of God then repent of it and translate it to our lives. That we would hear and instantly obey is what God expects of us. We need to remember that our flesh is weak, but He is strong. Our life in Christ was not meant to be Him waiting patiently as we engage in a cycle of sin then guilt then temporary obedience then sin and so on. I do this. You do this. But our life in Christ is victorious because we have been endowed with the Holy Spirit. Anything short of victory is spiritual infancy.

       It's opening night, beloved. The curtain is rising. Are you ready? 

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

      Just so you know, I had planned on writing about an entirely different topic today. My intent was not to continue on the theme of death, but this is where the Spirit led me so I will follow the prompting. And really, who doesn’t want to talk about death two days in a row?

The Valley
      Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You [are] with me” Psalm 23:4 (NKJV)

     We are walking in the valley of the shadow of death, my friend. In fact, we are dwelling in it- that valley, cradled between the crest of life at birth and the mountain of death. Life on earth is the valley of the shadow of death- the venture forever eclipsed by that which is impending and certain: death. As soon as we enter into this life we begin our inevitable journey toward death. Bear with me through this discouraging thought, but, ultimately, we must understand that life on earth is not composed of living, but of actively dying.

 Death is the Very Contrast of God
    
      According to the Law, there are several rules about ritual purity. These were (and are) the instructions given on how to separate oneself from that which is unholy in order to enter into the presence of God. All of these have one unifying theme, which is death. Each law is meant to cleanse from a brush with death-handling a corpse, a woman’s menstruation, animal sacrifices, etc. What can be learned from this observation? Death is the very contrast of God.
    
      As far as good is from evil and light from darkness, so too is death from the Living God. Therefore, if death is the very contrast of God and life on earth is the valley of the shadow of death, then life on earth is the very juxtaposition of God. This has some remarkable implications, ranging from why God allows suffering to why we cannot covet the things of this world, but those are topics for another time. For now, I’d like to turn to Jesus.

 Because He Lives
    
      When Jesus took on the flesh of man, we understand that He also took on the death sentence of which we are all subject to. It is important to reflect on Jesus’s death as special-Jesus, Son of God, had power over death and yet He came to die. Jesus took on our death sentence, our condemnation, as a living sacrifice. Jesus’s ultimate mission was to die. What might also be important to note, though, is the certainty of death that can be testified in Jesus’s own death. When God came and indwelled on earth, he also took on that earthlike certainty: death. If God let Himself experience physical death, you can be certain that there will be no escaping it for yourself.
      
     But that’s not where the story ends, of course. Yes, Jesus experienced a physical death and so will we, but Jesus did not suffer a spiritual death and neither should you. In faith in Christ as the Son of God, our only hope of salvation, we become one with Christ (Phil 1:27; Gal 4:7). As such, we are resurrected with Christ to have eternal life. We fear not death, because we have hope of eternal life with Christ. This is a resounding promise we can rest in, but I dare say we do not.
    
      To choose Jesus Christ is to choose life. To choose life is to choose not to live in fear. All fears, ultimately, are a fear of death. We fear things that might cause us bodily harm beyond repair, the death of a marriage, the death of a friendship, the death of career or success. There is not a single fear that is not, in some way, an incarnation of death. As believers, though, we are not governed by these fears because we are not governed by death. Being one with Christ means we are not bound by death and so are not bound by fear.

 Confusing God with Sanctimonious Death
    
      Throughout scripture, when one encounters the Living God, an angel, or the resurrected Christ, we see that person either express fear or the angel or God instructs them not to fear, suggesting that the person is, or will become, fearful at encountering the Living God. There is a reason for this. When in the presence of the Most Holy, mere man can only be certain of his inequity. God’s punishment for such inequity being death-separation from Him (remember, death is the direct opposite of God). This fear, like all others, derives from a fear of death. And this time, it’s more than warranted.
    
     As believers in Christ, though, something should change. We see clearly from Romans 8:1 that in Christ Jesus we have no condemnation. Therefore, we ought to have no fear when we come before our God. That is not to say that we shouldn’t still be reverent. Were we to forget that death is a sentence we were pardoned from, we would lose sight of the magnificence of grace. However, to fear is to allow death to have a hold on you. It’s like having your sentence to death commuted, but everyday preparing for the guillotine. Beloved, why are you fearful when the basis of your fear is erased as a possibility?
    
     Psalm 23:4, shows us the peace and direction we are to have. Even though we are traversing through and toward our physical ruin, we have no fear, for God is with us. Christ promises that He is always with us (Matthew 18:15-20). If we are to believe (and we do), that we have victory over death in Christ and that God, the opposition to death, is always with us, can death touch us? The answer is no. No lasting death can touch us, as death cannot touch God. So, what then do you have to fear?
    
      To fear is to confuse God’s glory with fruitless death and to do so is to tread into dangerous waters. By doing this, you are losing sight of the power of God-which is irreverent-and you are negating that power that you join into when you become a follower of Christ-which is ungrateful and foolish. It’s also very tragic. You will lose so much of the wonder of walking with God if you constantly allow the fear of death to eclipse His glory. The battle has already been won, beloved, stop undermining the victory by anticipating a different outcome.

Death as a Scare Tactic

      God does not resort to human modes of manipulation, but He does know how to get our attention and death is a pretty effective way to do that. Why would God allow us to dwell in a place that is ever shadowed by death? The answer is simple: death is a reminder. It’s a reminder that we have a choice. We can choose death or we can choose Christ and by doing so, choose life. Free will is present in our world and as long as we’re in the midst of death, we are reminded of that. Sometimes we need death to press against us a little closer to get it. Sometimes we need to be chased by some Egyptians. Sometimes we need to try and kill our sons (not that I’m advising that outside of the story of Abraham, mind you). Sometimes our firstborns need to be killed. Sometimes our husbands need to die. And sometimes we need to see a sinless Savior die.

      In light of this, though, we understand that God gives life everlasting. And while we have death as the ever present reminder that separation from God is both horrifying and precariously within grasp, we have peace. Trust is a discipline, brothers and sisters. To cast out fear and declare this almighty power of God, takes work and faith but He gives us the greatest reason to do so- to have a relationship with Him. So take a moment to meditate on the fragility of this life when you encounter death- when you read about the loss of life from a natural disaster, when a loved one dies, when a friendship dies, when security dies-and then cast away all fear, for you know you are well outside the grips of death. Trust Him and then move forward with your life. Do the things He’s asked you to do without fear, for any fear you may have is incomparable to the power of God Almighty. Even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, do not fear-for He is with you.

An Extra Day, Every Day

     A few days ago I was having a particularly unproductive day in both industriousness and Kingdom work, being sidetracked for hours by a meaningless task. It was one of those times when I set out to do something for just a little while, I'll just do this for an hour or so and then I'll have God time and finish up the stuff I need to do. Before I knew it, half the day had passed and I was exhausted by the time I had realized what I had done. I'm sorry Lord, I'll start fresh tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll do better, I prayed. And then I heard that unmistakable still, small voice and He replied to me, Who said there was going to be a tomorrow?
    
     That's when it hit me, that old idiom I hear from the Church and the secular world alike: live every day like it's your last. Of course, as citizens of the Kingdom of God, it doesn't translate to the self-seeking, self-gratifying, self-indulgent tone the world (and probably a good deal of the Church) pursues in seeking this sentiment. But the sentiment still applies, and in fact more pertinently applies, to us followers of Christ.
    
      There are a few things we can be certain of as believers: 1) Time is in God's hands (Psalm 31: 14-15); 2) God has the power to give, and to take away (Job 1:21); 3) Death is certain (Ecc 9:11); Life is short (James 4:14-17); and, at the end of it all, we will have to account for how we spent our time (Hebrews 9:27). In light of these things, how should we as believers spend our days?


Be Ready

"Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming." Matthew 25:13 (NKJV)


     If tomorrow never comes, you have to ask yourself, will I be ready? The first, most significant, question that derives from this is the question of your salvation. Are you sure where you will go if today is your last? If you are not certain of your salvation, I would urge you to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and to seek the counsel of a Christian authority on where to go from there. I cannot emphasize the importance of that enough. However, I presume that of the handful of people who may happen to read this, most have already answered that question but rest assured, while this is the most important question you should know the answer to there are several more that are worth consideration.
    
      In asking will I be ready? you must also consider the thought, if this is the last day that I have to further the Kingdom of God how are my actions accomplishing that? Am I furthering the Kingdom with any significance at all? Am I doing anything that is furthering the Kingdom at all? If today is my last day, am I finishing well? Can I look into my Savior's eyes and say to Him, "I spent my last hours honoring and serving You"?
    
     Are the things I am investing in today, things that will last throughout eternity? Will the hours I invest in material acquisition, self-congratulation, or pursuing entertainment last after I am gone? Will they last even beyond today? Is investing in the future a wise decision when I am not guaranteed there will be a tomorrow? What does the way I'm living today say about where I store my treasure- is it indicative of someone who thinks their treasure is here on Earth or someone who thinks their treasure lies in Heaven?
    
     To be ready is to be confident of where you are going and that when you get there you can tell your Maker with confidence that in those final hours you sought and persevered to glorify Him instead of yourself or the world. If today was your last day, would you be ready?



If Today is My Last

"His lord said to him, 'Well [done], good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.'" Matthew 25:21 (NKJV)


     I think every Christian dreams of God Almighty uttering these words to them on Judgment Day. I know I do. But if we're being honest with ourselves, would our lives warrant this praise? In many ways, I'd say that our final hours will be a testament to our entire lives, and even if that were not true these hours, whether they are our final or not, are the only ones we have any control over. So, what would I want my last day to look like, and consequently if I viewed every day as my last, what I would want every day of my life to look like?

     I would want it to be a day that I practiced repentance: "I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance." Luke 15:7 (NKJV) By faith we accept Christ as our Savior, repentance is the action of that faith. To repent is to acknowledge and separate oneself from sin. Not only do I want my faith to be seen in action through repentance, I also would deeply regret that I spent my last hours partaking in anything that kept me from the glory of God and accomplishing His will, which is the very definition of sin. This is why Jesus says that Heaven is overjoyed by the one who repents and anything Heaven gets overjoyed about, I want to be a part of. That's not to say that any day, my last day or not, will be without fault- that is why I need the saving Grace of Christ. But in the striving of my days, I would hope to practice repentance to the best of my ability with the help of grace.

     I would want it to be a day that I obeyed God and did well with the resources He gave me. As Christ explains in Matthew 25, each will be judged on how they stewarded the resources they were given. For some those resources may be great, for others the resources may be minimal, but no matter the size or impact of those resources each will be accountable to what they did with them. This would apply in the case of physical blessings: I would want my last day to be a God-glorifying use of the income, home, education, health and any other physical resource He would see fit to bless me with. These are, after all, His to begin with. In like manner, I would hope my last day would be one in which I also used the spiritual gifts and fruits of His Spirit in a way that would honor and glorify Him. By saying this, I would like to emphasize that no matter what the Lord has called me to do that day, or any day, that I would be obedient. In promoting the “live every day as if it’s your last” sentiment, there is a tendency to suggest that you will change the world in that one day, that you will have a massive impact because you know it’s your last chance to make a lasting impact for the Kingdom. While I can appreciate this sentiment, I would like to live in the knowledge that anything the Lord has called me to do on that day is worth doing, even if it doesn’t have the impact I would like it to. Whether it is a big ripple, or a small one, each propels the current of the movement of God’s Kingdom.

      I would want it to be a day that I risked everything for God; that I was completely sold out for Him; that I suffered and sweated, and praised Him and persevered nonetheless. I would want it to be a day that I didn’t worry about what the potential consequences that my behavior today would have on tomorrow. In that, that which seems like a crazy idea to me prompted by the Holy Spirit, I can fully embrace because I may not be here tomorrow to take the opportunity and if I am, He will provide. If I’m going to have to account for my final day, for all my days, I want to say- I did it all for you God. Even when I didn’t get it. Even when it was hard. Even when I was fearful. I did it without regret because I trusted You alone. I made the most of my time, because just as money and spiritual gifts are resources I need to steward well, so too is time and it’s a blessing I will not take advantage of; it’s a blessing I will not throw away.


I Don’t Have Time for This

      I don’t know if today is my last day. No one knows such things. But on this day when we’re given an “extra day”, I’m reminded that every day is an extra day. There are far too many days when I take for granted there will be a tomorrow. But if tomorrow should never come there are some things I do know: life is fleeting- but there is permanence in my heavenly home of which I have assurance. So, while I am on this Earth of which I have no certainty of permanence, I’m reminded that I don’t have time to live in the past- to dwell in self-pity. I don’t have time to be a chicken. I don’t have time to not spend it with my God. I don’t have time to pursue that which is worthless and is not lasting. I don’t have time not to love. I don’t have time to withhold grace. I don’t have time not to be the hands and feet of Christ. I don’t have time not to live-for Him.

   

An Introduction

A person's walk with God is a funny thing. Turns out it's often radically different than what we hear at the altar call. When someone walks intimately with God, it's often difficult, trying, and certainly all encompassing. There are times of favor, of dryness, of conviction. We are running the race, and while for some it is a sprint, for most of us it's a marathon and with that comes trial, pain, promise, and victory. There are seasons of overwhelming joy and times of loss, but through it all we know that He is in control and that it's a journey worth taking.

It's not always easy. It's not always pretty. It is always good. The title of the blog comes from Hosea 2: 14- 20:

"Israel, I, the Lord, will lure you into the desert and speak gently to you. I will return your vineyards, and then Trouble Valley will become Hopeful Valley. You will say "Yes" to me as you did in your youth, when leaving Egypt. I promise that from that day on, you will call me your husband instead of your master. I will no longer even let you mention the names of those pagan gods that you called "Master." And I will agree to let you live in peace- you will no longer be attacked by wild animals and birds or by weapons of war. I will accept you as my wife forever, and instead of a bride price I will give you justice, fairness, love, kindness, and faithfulness. Then you will truly know who I am." (CEV)

This is sort of my life verse. The Lord always leads me to it when He has something to say and every time I think I've figured out what He means by it, He shows me something completely different through it. The idea is universal, though, isn't it? We are all moving away from that Trouble Valley- the valley of our former selves, the valley of our sin and failings; and moving toward Hopeful Valley- the valley of His promises and redemption. Truthfully, I, like so many others I imagine, am terribly mal-adjusted to Hopeful Valley. Who knew that goodness and love could be so hard to take? Who knew it'd be so hard to trust and hope in an all knowing, all powerful God of perfect love? But the promise is true and it's waiting for me, and for anyone else who might take up the journey- restoration is for you, providence is for you, protection is for you, true love is for you, God is for you.

So, this is my attempt to document some of my walk with God in an effort that it might encourage and testify. I hope that my struggles, my failings, and my stumblings would show that being a believer is very real and often hard, but that His grace is not only worth it but is exalted in my weakness. This is my hope. This is my prayer. This is my life. This is my journey to Hopeful Valley.