When Sinners Become Fathers

I was fathered by a sinner. I have yet to meet someone who was not. I could list his many sins here, for the world to see, and some would think them too severe while others would consider themselves lucky to have only endured those. I could also write volumes on his merit. I could tell you of every time he made me feel loved, cherished, and protected and set my eyes on God. But at the end of it all only two things will matter: my father was a sinner; and there was grace.

Today fathers around the world are commemorated for doing all that they do and being all that they are. Some are honored in memoriam. Some are longed for. Some are quietly condemned or altogether forgotten for not being there at all.  Still others are celebrated for being fathers in ways that exceed blood.

I was separated by my father this Father’s Day by distance and I missed him. I wanted to be with him and it hurt me because I was sure he was hurt by missing me too. After a day spent holding back tears, I decided instead to have a Father’s Day celebration with my Heavenly Father, the only one worthy to be praised. Having been held by my Father, loved on, and consoled, I arose renewed with an overwhelming gratitude for my earthly father- my sinful father.

Fathers are important. Whether present or absent, living or not, a model parent or painfully blemished, fathers matter. Fathers who are sinners matter because they allow us to taste and experience our hunger for our Heavenly Father. Fathers at their best allow us to glimpse the face of the Living God, our Father in heaven who loves us so. Fathers at their worst gives us the irreplaceable gift of expectancy for the matchless Father- that great and mighty King who so loved you and I that He sent His only true Son to save us and had the audacity to take those that nailed Him to the cross and call them His own. And when fathers are somewhere in between, we realize grace abounds and is needed for all, even those on earth we look to with such awe and reverence.

So, to my earthly father I ask for forgiveness. I ask you to forgive me for avoiding you at times because I don’t want to deal with the messiness of your sins, as if my own were easier to deal with. Forgive me for wanting to tell you a thousand times a day that I love you and almost never going out of my way to do it. I praise you for all that you’ve done for me- for the sacrificing and the hard work. I thank you for always fighting for me, long before I was born, for the nights I never saw that you stayed awake worrying for my sake, and for the countless prayers made on my behalf. I hope to always strive to honor you as a daughter.

I also want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for when you were not perfect, when you caused me pain, or when I needed more of you than you could give. I want you to know that your love and support has always overshadowed any failings but I also want you to know that this forgiveness and corrected vision comes not from me, but from the grace I receive from Him. Only in this grace, could I ever hope to extend even the slightest hint of it to you. And perhaps what I celebrate more than anything on this Father’s Day is not the joy I have in being your daughter, but the hope I have in being your sister in Christ. For this we can truly be thankful and because of this we can move forward as sinners holding fast to grace as father and daughter.

And to my Heavenly Father, oh how my heart delights to have such a father! And that my earthly father can drink from this same joy! I thank You for loving me even as I fail you. I thank You for Your divine providence through the grace found in Christ. I thank You for making it so that no matter how much I grow I will always be Your little girl when confronted with the majesty of such a big God and faithful Father. I thank You for my earthly father who is a sinner and who, through Your grace You allowed to show me glimpses of You.

And I come to You with a humble and repentant heart to ask You to forgive me. Forgive me for the times when I expected of my earthly father that which You can only give. Forgive me for the times when I allowed his inadequacies to sometimes hide Your face. Forgive me for the times when I became too comfortable in his love that I forgot Your love will always be more satisfying. Forgive me for the times I fear losing him to death, as if that would be a day of sorrow.  

And please forgive me for not always appreciating the tremendous gift You’ve given me in a father who is a Sinner. You are glorified in all of Your creation and You’ve given me the unique opportunity to experience one of Your creations in a way that only two others out of roughly 7 billion get to.

When my father is one day reunited with his Heavenly Father, he will arrive a sinful man, but in a scandalously gracious act, he will be given grace. When I arrive at eternity’s shore the same and no less awe-inspiring act will play out. Where he has failed as a father, there will be grace. Where I  have failed as a daughter, there will be grace. In the grittiness of life here on earth, in the midst of ongoing sin, we daily have a choice. We can give grace or we can withhold it. Today I choose to give and I humbly ask to receive, for fathers are not incidental and mine is no exception.